Bold reality check: even when you’re on top of your game, grief can rewrite your whole year. That’s the core truth Hannah Laing faced after losing her childhood best friend, Ellie Scanlan, just as she was about to headline the debut of her hometown festival. This past year has been a crucible for the Dundee-born DJ and producer, turning high-energy performances into slow-burn endurance tests and forcing her to rethink what “going on stage” really means when life is upended offstage.
The moment of truth arrived while Hannah was in Ibiza, eagerly anticipating her doof In The Park set. A phone call changed everything: Ellie had passed away days before the festival’s first big moment. The decision before Hannah was brutal—cancel the festival or keep moving for Ellie. She chose to press on, honoring her friend by continuing the show.
The Dundee crowd felt the weight of that choice, and Hannah’s performance reflected the struggle. She remembers a fan in the crowd waving a flag bearing Ellie’s face, and the moment hit hard. Though she felt detached and emotional at once, she was grateful for a city that understood the shared impact of Ellie’s absence—Ellie was a bright, infectious presence in Dundee, and her influence touched many people there.
Yet the emotional strain wasn’t limited to one night. In the aftermath, Hannah canceled shows for the first time in her 12-year career, admitting she was “really struggling to perform.” She describes crying through sets and grappling with guilt for letting fans down, even as social media revealed an outpouring of support. She faced a common fear for performers: the worry that backing away from the spotlight would disappoint those who rely on the energy of her live shows. But the kindness she encountered online underscored a broader truth—many fans wanted to share in the healing, not demand a flawless performance.
In a candid turn, Hannah revealed a personal shift: she had started drinking to cope with the grief, a pattern that intensified during the summer. She admits that alcohol gave momentary relief but left the underlying pain unresolved, often turning a flight into a private breakdown and a stage performance into a bittersweet ritual. Losing Ellie while touring intensified the pressure, making the spotlight feel less like a spotlight and more like a magnifying glass on sorrow.
Recognition came in the form of a sober pivot. After taking stock, Hannah has been sober for 54 days, and she’s proud of how far she’s come. She has continued to perform—17 shows so far—and is learning how to navigate the balance between stage presence and emotional well-being. Other DJs who have chosen sobriety reassure her that the adjustment is gradual, with patience paying off as enjoyment returns. Ellie, she believes, would have supported this change, sharing a mutual “party animal” past while cheering a healthier future.
The experience has deepened Hannah’s connection to Dundee. Her early career flourished as a resident at the Students’ Union, where a steady stream of loyal fans formed the foundation of her growing following. To give back, she helped establish doof Studios, a community music space inside Street Soccer’s Change Centre. Created with social enterprise Turn The Tables, the studio offers free workshops, access to DJ and production gear, and affordable private hire. The mission is clear: lower barriers to entry for young people eager to explore electronic music.
Hannah emphasizes that music equipment is expensive and not accessible to everyone. In her own beginnings, the distance to a fully equipped DJ setup was a real obstacle—she even had to travel to Dumbarton and borrow petrol money just to learn. A do-it-on-your-doorstep option would have changed the learning curve entirely. The new studio aims to provide routine, confidence, and a creative outlet, particularly for those who are navigating mental health challenges.
Beyond personal growth, the project serves a broader purpose: nurturing the next wave of talent and giving back to the hometown that shaped her. Doof Studios isn’t just a space; it’s a pipeline for opportunity. Emerging artists can learn, develop, and prove their dedication, with Hannah watching for signs of progress, passion, and perseverance. Some of these early-stage performers may even land slots at doof In The Park, turning the learning journey into a shared festival story.
In a poignant reflection, Hannah notes that Ellie would be proud not only of the studio’s creation but also of a new track she released in Ellie’s memory with vocalist Hannah Boleyn. Have You Ever Loved (Ellie) earned BBC Radio 1’s Hottest Record title, a recognition Hannah calls the most meaningful thing she’s ever written. The collaboration brought Ellie’s presence back into the room through music, transforming grief into a powerful artistic statement. The vocal became a direct link to Ellie, and the process of crafting the song helped Hannah channel her emotions into something outwardly hopeful and publicly meaningful.
Ellie’s legacy, both personal and professional, lives on in the work Hannah continues to do—from the sober, deliberate approach to touring to the creation of spaces that invite others to explore music as a path to healing. The story invites a broader conversation about how artists balance public performance with private grief, how communities rally around individuals in crisis, and how creative projects can transform loss into something constructive and uplifting. Would you support more artists sharing their coping journeys publicly, or do you think this kind of vulnerability should stay private? What lessons from Hannah’s path—such as sobriety, community-building, and local stewardship—resonate most with you, and how would you apply them in your own life or creative work?
